I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
