I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
