i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
