i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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