Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
