Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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