hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Holy sore nipples Batman
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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