Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
