Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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