I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
