I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
