I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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