he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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