We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
