true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
