1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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