Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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