You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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