I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I still have a little drunk in my system
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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