his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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