I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize