Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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