drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
