i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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