I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
