Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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