When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
