About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
