dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize