I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
