I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
