So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
