The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
