how can u be prego again
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
