sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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