Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
