I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All the doctor said was why
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
