I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
