i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
