need another drink. this is the easiest way
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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