Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize