so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
