Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
