I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
