dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
