Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
