people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
