im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The air was thick with penises
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
