Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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