A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
