Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
