Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize