the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and she was petting her beer can
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
