He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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