i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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