Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
