Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
