is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
