I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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