i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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