that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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