so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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