That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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