I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
