The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
