You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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