mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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