Jerry, you need to find god
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
