omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
