have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
