My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize