um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
