I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
