So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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