Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Porn is love you can see.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
