You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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