How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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