Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
