i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
