just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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