plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I checked into jail on foursquare
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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