so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
