I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Can I color on your dick again?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize