I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
