somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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