If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
