I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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