and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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