As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
