Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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