she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
