And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
