it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
