um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
