I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he wants to bone in the snuggie
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
