lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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