I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
