i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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