a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think my moral compass just broke
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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