If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize