After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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