i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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