Four minutes until I can fart!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
