Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize