Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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