ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
