About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
