Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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