After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
