I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
