Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
