Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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