fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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