I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize