Plan B is the new Plan A
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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