Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
