This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
