You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
