Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
