my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
