So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
