U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
