I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
