I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
