Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
