yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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