My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
