So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
