who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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