When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize