Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
