haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
