I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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