How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
