I never want to see another naked old woman again.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
