Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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